The Chilean lesson

Sunday 17th Oct....Room, 299, Ohaupo rd....10 45 pm
Sitting in my bed, after a bloody long weekend duty in which we did about six cases a day, which included four femoral nails, one hemi and one DHS, I am really tired. Waiting for rice to cook to have my "Paal saadham", of late my staple dinner.
The chilean incident has taught us a lesson, I think. People marvel at the technology which could create a small manhole at an exact spot at about 600 meters depth. It was said that the miners are going to come out in Christmas eve, but here they are safe and sound, two months well ahead of the predicted date. We could see many countries, including a mickey mouse country like NZ contributing to the rescue operation.
Man's ability is unlimited. This is the key lesson of this story.
Man can achieve any thing by his powers,intellectual, physical and spiritual.
So all it needs is a situation. If necessities don't compel us, we are complacent.
Now that's no good. A form determination can help achie ve any thing in this universe for man.

Thought and words

Paul Henry’s resignation is saddening and shows the power of words over anything. It is so important not only for Paul Henry but for anyone to think twice or thrice before we utter any word. The words he spoke were just one incident, powerful enough to spoil the whole career of the man. Thoughts have to be pure and unbiased to start with. Unbiased thoughts will never produce biased words or actions. The root is thought, which is perhaps the most powerful thing on earth. Control or what Sivananda calls “culture” of thought is one important virtue of every human. Positive and energising thoughts inculcate a positive aura around you, no doubt.

Thought purity and control is one which everyone has to strive for.

Loneliness

The fear of loneliness is one of the worst fears. Man is one being so much plagued by this fear. And loneliness feeds on fear. Fear of it makes it more powerful. Men do everything possible to keep themselves away from this ghost – they make friends, marry, have children, remarry, form clubs, drink, abuse drugs and try what not. It is a virtual devil which curbs men of their thinking power, creative capacity, their productivity and sucks out all energy. It makes one feel powerless and defeated. Sometimes men set out to oust the devil once and for all, go to any extent for the sake, lose their individuality, lose their personality only finally to find out that the ghost has returned with great vengeance. Sometimes, why most times, the enemy seems to be better than the deeds we do to get rid of him. An unfitting company makes you feel lonelier than you are alone.

The deeds we do to keep ourself away loneliness seem to fail and all the more,torment us to keep us busier than fearing loneliness. So what is the way? The most efficient way seems to be to befriend the enemy. Ya...to befriend loneliness. To enjoy being alone. Once you start enjoying it, it is no more called loneliness, it is called aloneness. Aloneness is a state of mind which the mind thoroughly enjoys. You contemplate, you learn to be yourself, you derive pleasure in it, you become creative, you explore what you enjoy the most, you improve.

After all, aloneness is the most mature state of your mind. Your mind is not dependent on anything else for happiness, it is happy by itself. Then comes the state of neither being happy nor being sad. The state of evenness of mind. But to start with, you have to enjoy being alone. If you enjoy that, most troubles, external and internal would slowly start vanishing.

Aum tat sat.

The train

Sitting in the Trans Scenic train from Greymouth to Christchurch, I am once again amazed by the pace with which times change. Here I am, sitting in the train traversing the route dubbed as one of the most scenic train routes in the world. The train travels through mountains, rivers, valleys, lakes and passes and tunnels. Beautiful river bed, snow, big lakes and forest really is a feast for the eyes. I had paid a fare which would be more than all the money I had paid for all my train trips in India. I suddenly become nostalgic about my train journeys.

Travelling in a train was one of my childhood dreams. I grew up in Udumalpet, a small town near Coimbatore. A very beautiful (which I realized after visiting many other “beautiful” cities) town adjoining the western ghat mountain ranges. Train transport was not needed for my the activites of my childhood – be it weekend holidays at my farm house to which we used to go in the bullock cart ( a “savari” cart meaning the one meant only for travel), be it the nearby temples or our relatives’ houses for which we took the local buses. Nobody in our whole family lived at a distance to be travelled by train.

We rarely travelled unless for religious reasons and most of the temples were nearby. I was about 14 when my dream of travelling by train came true. We had to go to Rameswaram for performing certain puja for my sister. The puja was prescribed by an astrologer who also accompanied us to the trip. He had the acquaintance of a certain priest in Rameswaram who would do the puja. My family which was not financially sound to spend for a holiday got ready to perform the expensive puja since it was recommended by the astrologer. That’s how I first got to go in train. We took the train from Udumalpet railway station close to midnight. I had never been awake past 8 30 pm during my younger days. In fact no one in my house used to be awake after 9 pm. But that night I didn’t sleep. I was thoroughly excited by the feeling of travelling by train.

The train arrived at about midnight. We had not reserved our tickets because the train had no reservation at all. It was a passenger train. Thankfully, it was not crowded. We managed to get seats and the astrologer slept in the “upper berth” – the luggage rack. I couldn’t see anything outside in the dark but still the sound of the rattling train wheels, the occasional smell of diesel smoke mixed with the cool wind from the window was giving me a high. In the morning, the train travelled through the Pamban bridge across the sea and after long haults here and there, took us to Rameswaram.

My train sojourns became frequent – in fact irritatingly frequent after I joined medical school in Chennai. Of course, visiting Chennai was another childhood dream which was fulfilled well past my teenage. Trains did not run direct to Udumalpet from Chennai so I had to take train up to Coimbatore or Tiruppur and then take bus to my town. Now, the cheapest train and the fastest to take us from Chennai to our place was the Intercity. It was a day train which was overbooked always. We as students, never had the time to book tickets especially in that stone age (about 8-9 yearsr ago) when online reservation was not known. We used to travel in the train sitting in the footstep, sometimes a newspaper to sit on and sometimes without it. Whenever a station comes, you have to get up, hop out to make way for people to get in. Sometimes during festival seasons, footsteps would also be full. I would not dare to sit and travel on a footstep now, for the shear fear of it. But we used to do it as if it was absolutely normal.

I have worse journeys in my memory. My worst would be the one I did between Kottayam and Chennai to attend the councelling for post graduate seats. I did not book a ticket since I had not decided about attending the councelling. Finally when I made the decision, it was too late. The train was stuffed with human beings and their belongings beyond an extent imaginable. I could hardly get into the unreserved compartment. After great difficulty and distress, I managed to get a seat on the luggage rack with four other people there. I sat at the edge of the rack with my legs hanging and could hardly change my position for the next 14 hours of my trip. Leave alone the heat inside the compartment. Nothing came out of the councelling except bad memories of a bad train trip.

Now here I am sitting in a cosy chair with a table infront of me, sipping Sauvignon Blanc looking at rivers and forests through the large glass window and writing this. Times have changed. I may not take an unreserved train trip again in india. Who knows I may. But these are things which we grew up with which make us fit to survive any bloody condition in any corner of the world. The very Indian quality of survivorship. I am proud to be part of a culture where nothing comes without struggle for it. Struggle is the one thing which can give you happiness when you succeed and the satisfaction of a honest try when you fail. Survival is a struggle and every aspect of survival is a struggle sometimes, back home. But I feel that kind of hardship is necessary in shaping you properly. Bye for now. My station has arrived.

The Remarkables and my neck

After the long long bus journey, I reached Queenstown at around sevenish. Queenstown was so busy, busier than a normal Christchurch day I  should say. The town center was full of ski shops and renatl shops and there was crowd everywhere – in the info center, restaurants, pubs, ski shops, everywhere. I found out my backpackers and settled in. Then I came out to explore a bit of the town. I could see that bungy, skydive, shotover and all other “adrenalin” activities were prohibitively expensive that the sight of the rates itself gave a bit of adrenalin high. I had one day in my hand. Sunday. I explored further. I always wanted to try my hands in skiing – again form the knowledge of skiing from some tamil movies. But I did not plan to do it in this trip.

There are three skiing areas near Queenstown – Coronet peak, Remarkables and Cardrona. The snow center where ski reservations were to be made, was already shut but I could find brochures on these fields. The remarkable beginner pack worked out to be the cheapest – transport, lift pass, two classes and equipment for 112 dollars. Not a bad bargain.

So the next morning, the snow center was to open at 7 40 am. I reached there at 7 45. There was a small queue. I made my card and then reached the bus which was to take us to the Remarkables. The bus journey reminded me of the ascent on tirupati hills in the devasthanam bus. It was very similar with hairpin bends and bit of nauseation sometimes but the difference was there was snow everywhere outside. The ski field was one of the most crowded places I had seen so far in New zealand. Lot of people were pouring in. Literally like tirupati again. I was fitted with the ski boots, skis and the poles. The boots were real tight. Came out of the rental store. There were many young boys and youth already skiing in the low areas. I asked a nearby person to help to put my skis on. There was a small slope next to where i was standing. I have this problem of acting childish sometimes.

I wanted to try and ski myself since I was seeing a lot of people effortlessly doing it. Off I went down on the slope and in three seconds i lost control and fell over on my face. The snow was powdery and soft, i was not hurt but i could n’t get up and stand either with the ski boot and ski on. I could n’t balance at all. After all, the thrill is in balance and control, not in the speed. Again, a good atma nearby helped me get up. I gave up this foolish attempt and went to the cafe to have a coffee.

The class started at 9 50. All the beginners were made to stand in rows of tens. The crowd was so much that two more were added to out row. Our instructor was a girl from UK. Cheerful and helping. She was a good teacher. She taught us how to fit the ski, how to stand, how to walk with the ski on, how to start, how to stop. This took all the morning and i had fallen atleast 8 times already. But now I was able to get up myself.

By now the sun was strong and the whole ares so warm. With the exercise I was perspiring. I took away my gloves. My hands were sweating. I liked the sport not because of the thrill of skating down in ice but because the whole game is about control and balance. I was inspired by the teacher – perhaps five years younger than me, who did the movements on her ski so effortlessly, as if she was born with the skis fitted.

 I practised in the lunch break and by the afternoon class, I was no more falling down. But my teacher was not convinced. Among us 12, i was third from last in my capacity. Others were really good. But two performed poorer than me. She prepared us for a big descent. She came in front of me. “Look mate, can you go down without falling?”.

“I think so”

“You think so or you know so? ‘coz I don’t want any accidents here. There are lot of kids around and I don’t want you to wipe out anyone. Hold my hand and come down with me”

This was like my ability tested. The tone in which she said this was not friendly. I know I am not good at control but I told her “Look I can come down myself, you go down and wait for me”

She went down. Just as I started, a kid came fast into my legs and hit me. I fell and he fell too. I got up and then with a firm resolution as to not to fall any more, headed down. I did not fall. The girl came near.

“Good, I see you have practised in the break. You are a lot better now”

After that I did not fall down. I improved. By four, the ski field closed. I went to the line for the bus to take us back. By now all my muscles were aching individually but my neck especially. It was getting cold and I could feel it on my body under the four layers of clothing I was wearing. The queue for the bus was long with  some 250 people waiting. I was in the middle. I got my place in the third bus which came after an hour of waiting. Probably skiing is like pilgrimage for these people, I thought.

All said and done, I reached my room only to find out that I have hur tmy neck badly somehow. I realised why they say “pain in the neck”. It is really nagging, like a old wife. Three days on, it’s still not gone.

I fell in love with skiing. I would probably get some more chance before I leave for my motherland, which also has a couple of ski fields. Let’s see. Let the neck get right first.

To my prospective bride (or) The married woman

                Hey my sweet young lady,

Hope you are doing well. I am good here.

I do not know where you are. I don’t know whether you would exist at any time either. But I felt a strong urge to write you a letter today. This letter I thought of writing to you after I read a book. Obviously men and women are not the same and it is normal that they think different. Their needs, their perception of a predicament and their decision making are all different.

 I had not read many women authors before. Possibly because I don’t like reading books for the sake of passing time or because I had not come across good women authors before. This book I found in the “cancelled section” in the public library. It was called “the married woman”. It was on sale for 50 cents.

The author, Manju Kapur, teaches English in Delhi. I somehow felt the book should be interesting, at least for me. I bought the book. The book is about a woman brought up with all unnecessary fears and insecurities a woman should have in Indian society. But the difference was it was from the woman’s view point. It starts with the school day crush of the girl, the affair in college with a boy who she strongly believes would marry her and with that belief goes up to a “lip kiss”. Or many mouth explorations rather. The boy flies off to a foreign country.

The frustration from deceit lingers. Memories give more pain. In between this the girl’s mother arranges for a boy to visit her house from one of the newspaper matrimonial ads. The anger and irritation of a girl is well brought out here. She is furious that her mother wanted her not to meet or talk to any boy before but now she wants her to meet and talk to a man she hardly knows. This is the irritation any girl would get with being treated as an object. I could sense it when I read the book from a girl’s point. The anger of the girl is definitely reasonable. You can’t expect an educated girl of that age to act in any other manner.

Finally after a few years an alliance is fixed. The suitor is a good looking, foreign return lad from a well to do family. All that an Indian woman would need for marriage.  The boy had liked the girl and enquired about her through someone and reached her family. The wedding and honey moon pass well. The excitement is gone and boredom sets in. The role of a traditional Indian wife is being widely misunderstood by both men and modern women. The woman always thinks that her opinion and her interests are neglected. The thousand things a working woman has to manage, the tensions in marital life, the unsatisfactory routine of sex and above all the feeling of neglect makes the woman suffer for herself. She feels caged even though she has got a good husband, two handsome children and a house in a posh Delhi suburb and blab la bla. She feels lost even though she is with her husband and loving children. She feels the hallows in her. She basically thinks too much for an average Indian woman.

I felt she did not have the many other problems a Indian woman had to face like problems from in laws and husband’s relatives, harassment at workplace, financial problems mainly for big expenditures and the like. Obviously she is a woman from upper middle class – high class level so she has to have her own things to worry about and there comes this craving for constant attention and companionship and recognition and sharing. I don’t deny that these needs are not there in the lower sections of the society but in front of the major obstacles for survival, these needs look more like an indulgence rather than a need itself.

But these needs are always there, whether overt or deep inside. The man has to take care of them. In this story we see the woman finding the companionship and love in a widow and ending up having an affair with the woman which at one point goes to the extent of threatening her marriage. The craving I would say, for these subtle things such as recognition and companionship sometimes blinds us from the gross reality. The foolishness of a woman’s mind is also portrayed in the desire on a jewellery box. The author had tried to justify the interest on the jewellery box but on this one thing I would take the side of the husband. I don’t agree with the author.

In the midst of this fluid and emotional family story, the Ramjhanma bhoomi problem is touched upon and explained and is part of the novel. That is the “useful information learning” part of the novel. The feeling of the woman to do something in this issue is being met with discouragement from family saying that is not a woman thing. That is again part of Indian societal make up.

The woman is a poet and a painter. For an artist, be it poems, books or paintings, the publishing of them is also about exposing them, their nature, their state of mind and desires and feelings. The fear of being exposed remains for a writer or a painter. For example, talking in Indian terms, the book’s description of lesbianism makes you suspect for a moment the orientation of the author herself. That is one of the “industrial hazards” writers face.

Anyway coming to the spiritual part of it, the expectations from others are the keys of disappointments. But you can’t help yourself from expecting from your spouse the things you need the most. You all the more expect the needs you have, to be fulfilled by your spouse without you demanding for them, by sensing it directly from your heart, like telepathy or something, the symbol of true love – the desire being fulfilled when it is still in your thoughts. This does not often happen with couples, the poor spouse hardly ever knows of your expectations, he or she is in her own longing s and needs from you. The art of good family life is in fulfilling the needs and getting our expectations cared for without getting hurt or hurting in the process. This is not easy. But one can definitely try.

The story ends with her lesbian partner leaving abroad and the woman left “suffering” in her family predicament. Humans are all poor little things with small little hearts needing a bit of love, care and attention. This seemingly simple thing is the most difficult concept to come to terms with.

Ok, now coming to our letter, this book opened my eyes about the feeling of a girl when a stranger turns up one morning in the house or calls her up and mentions that her dad wanted him to talk to her to make friends and marry. This is like absurd. It is pretty natural to get angry at your Dad and also at me if I do this to you. I agree. It is so many things being tested. First you don’t know who I am and you can’t start a friendly chat like “hi, are you going to be my husband?” How awkward to think like that. It is pretty odd. It is odd for me too. I have my own fantasies and dreams about my wife too. I am sure you have yours.

I am sure most of us have small crushes in schooldays. Some have serious affairs in their college days. Few don’t really get the chance of being in a relationship. It is better to have a relationship. It comes with a price. You fall in love – the most beautiful and at the same time the cruelest feeling in the world. You end up losing pretty much everything from sleep to hunger to money to time to self respect and what not. You put yourself deliberately in the mercy of the thing you love. You are filled with his/her fantasies 24*7. You are tortured by nobody but your own mind. Nothing else in the world seems important than the proximity of the loved one. It is not physical at all I know.

It is nice to have the feeling once. Like bungee jumping. It is a thing to be experienced. You actually start learning from it only when you break up. I feel a person who has had a relationship and broke up can be more mature in his/her expectations towards their spouse. It’s my feeling. You may contradict.

It was all my expectations about my future wife till date. Now I have started to think what I would give her and what I would do to keep her happy (one impossible thing in the world?). I am sure a love can’t blossom in the setting of Indian arranged marriage. The thrill of love is not comparable to the sucking pre marriage dates with the fiancé. It sucks to talk to know a person after the decision of marriage has been made. How irritating for a young modern educated girl who knows she too has her say in every decision involving her. First is about the person. He is no way comparable to my lover/boyfriend/dream boy/whatever. Though broke up now. Still mind feels the best one is that. Nothing can be compared. Still realities are bit different. It might take years before the imagery of the dream boy disappears and the current husband makes his way into the mind. I understand. It is the same on both sides. But then, arranged marriages work. Not by overwhelming love, but by consideration and accommodation. After all, that is love. You are ready to break any barrier for the loved one. But when to comes to the parent’s boy, your demands rise to the sky. That’s natural.

Again, It may be years before we see through each other. But it is a nice start to make knowingly. It is nice to start as friends. Friendship has no hierarchy. It is one good thing to start with. You may not like me for all this deliberate bullshitting. But I am like this.

 It all depends on the kind of person. There are people- simple people. Simple thoughts, simple pleasures, happy most of the time. Then there are people – who think too much. Complicated hedonics – for whom any joy gives thoughts of the pain associated. Those who like thinking just for the sake of it. Think into every damn nonsense possible. Whether this small movement today morning in the meeting might have meant something to this guy, by sitting down did I send a wrong note to that guy, by talking this would that lady might have thought something about me, thousands like these to keep you busy and the countless arguments and counter arguments take place in the vast arena of mind. You end up defeated anyway. Even when you win the argument, you have spent worthless time on this wasteful thought game. Unfortunately I belong to the second group. So all this bullshitting is part of me to be accepted.

I understand it is going to be hard for you to bear with me, that too an entire life time. Believe me, I’ll help you in that. Wishing you well always,

Yours truly,

Karthik.

The argumnetative Indian

Queenstown is one of the much hyped tourist destinations in New Zealand. It has been dubbed as the adventure capital of the world. So it was almost sinful to live in south island for six months and return without visiting this place. Since my consultants were going on vacation (they go on vacations every coupla months) first week of July (it was school holidays then) I decided I would rather escape from the sin by visiting Queenstown. Car was broke and driving in snow was supposedly dangerous, flights were prohibitively expensive coz of the ski season and so the poor man’s mode – low fare bus became the only left option to get there. In fact I was happy to choose the bus, one reason being the scenery on the way which was to be enjoyed without concentrating on the road and the other obvious reason - time to spend with a book.
I had chosen a couple of books for the journey from the library. Sulman Rushdies’s “midnight children” was the first book to be completed. Next in line was “the argumentative Indian” by Amartya Sen. This book’s title attracted my attention when I found this in the library. I had always liked arguments and discussion. In a healthy way of course. In fact the spiritual masters recommend Satsanga – company of like minded people to discuss and foster knowledge. Indians are probably argumentative it ought on seeing this big book.
The bus journey started at 9 30 am. The day was unusually sunny with good views of the distant mountains which progressively became closer, all laden with a number of inches of snow, some fresh and some a few days old. Snow was everywhere, on the roads, over the roofs, in the carparks, on the hills, snowy white everywhere.
I started with Salman Rushdie. Somehow, I was not very comfortable with him. I have started feeling that if I read a book or watch a movie, I should learn something just not get entertained. This notion is my father’s. He would always ask me if there is something useful for my exams in the movie which I was pestering my Dad to take me to. I would be pissed off so badly when he asked that every time in the same simple and innocent manner. But he eventually obliged by taking us to the movie knowing for sure that there is no useful lesson to be learnt for my primary school exam. This idea somehow probably got ingrained in me. I was hence was looking for information and learning rather than entertainment when i took a book. The initial pages of Rushdie did n’t fit into my taste.
I took this argumentative book then. The book’s introduction itself told me that I would find stuff of my interest inside it. The first essay is about the tradition of arguments in Indian history. I was suddenly reminded of the word “Dargashasthra” which I have heard somewhere. This shasthra lays down rules about the conduct an argument.
The essay in superb style elaborates Inida’s history and tradition in Amartya Sen’s view. Sen himself acknowledges the fact that provided the diversity of India, talking of India by any single person is always selected, not complete. Many facts in the essay were new and interesting to me. For example, we fail to realize that India was a Buddhist nation for almost 1000 years. Carvaka’s atheistic philosophy rejects the existence of anything more than human perception and bashes all rituals as just means by Brahmins to earn a livelihood. This school of thought is about 1500 years old and well described and acknowledged in texts. The character of Javali, a pundit in Ramayana is probabably not that popular as he is seen lecturing Rama about the Carvaka type philosophy. The scientific transaction between ancient Indian mathematicians and scientists with Persian and Arab scholars is another interesting fact. The rational thinking in India was influenced by their work and vice versa. Like Aryabhatta’s calculations about the solar and lunar eclipse were used and acknowledged widely by Arabians.
I wonder Aryabhatta’s discovery of earth rotation and eclipses were done in a period when people strongly believed in what is brushed off as mythology now – the devouring of moon by Raghu or the like. The scenario is like that of Galileo and Socrates in the west. They were outcasted and killed whereas in India Aryabhatta was widely respected. So the reaction to radical thoughts by a society is evident from this incident. The belief that the past of India is overwhelmingly religious or deeply anti scientific or exclusively hierarchical or fundamentally anti sceptical, is wrong according to the author.
Sen goes on to say that Indian literature has more rational writings than any classical language. He talks of Lokayata school which reproaches inference totally. India has a lot to know about her past. We tend to pose ourselves as the sons and daughters of this magnificient country with a rich past, just knowing very little of it, that too not in great detail. With that meek knowledge of ours we tend to look down on “Indian” ways.
More about the book will follow.

Pleasure and happiness

There are things which we enjoy doing. Some are very pleasurable. Some not that much. We derive pleasure while doing certain things but when we are done, it leaves a stint of guilt on us.Like smoking. There are many examples.These are our petty vices.We are aware that they make us feel guilty but the urge to do those exceeds often. The result is unhappiness.
And there are certain things which give us tremendous satisfaction once we had done them. They are pleasurable too. You know the examples. The examples vary with each one. Of course the satisfation you get is very subjective. The same action can gve happiness to one and guilt to another. But thinking in staright terms, the actions which are not against your conscience leave you with satisfaction and happiness. Those done merely for pleasure leave you with guilt and unhappiness. The vicious cycle continues when we run towards those same actions in refuge to our unhappiness.

It is not easy, but it is not difficult too.

The need for spiritual training

Life is peculiar in the same ways as it is simple. I see teenagers here. They romance publicly in pools, at 12 and 13 wear skimpiest outfits and pose as adults,smoke, do all the stuff an adult would do. This urge to grow out to an adult is present during the teen ages. Nothing is left for adulthood. Everything is tried. Th worst thing here is teenagers make decisions for themselves.One reason may be parents are busy themselves finding new partners or trying to hold to old ones. The other reason may be moral laws are not so strong as in Indian society.
In India, a teenager cant smoke in public. It would look awkward. A teenager cant kiss his girlfriend(who is in 7th class) on the road. There is a small fear still of doing socially unacceptable things. Then comes the role of the parents. The parents in India never think that their responsibility is over until they had married their kid off whether it's a boy or a girl. So we are answerable to them always. It is a lot of commitment and lot of responsibility to raise a kid in India. here I see parents keep baby sitters in the house and holiday in a foreign country for a coupla weeks. Is it possible in india? even if you to the next street you would carry your child.
Refined, civilised - this is how this society is described. The degustation dinner may be one of the refined things I find here. I am unable to find reasons to call this society more civilised because the ways for higher happiness or peace are never being thought. Material pleasures rule the world. A society addicted to material pleasures - bigger homes, better cars, newer holiday places,costly dresses and costly restaurants. the cycle of desire and pain in this materialism makes me feel there is no much reason to think that this scoiety is more refined. the evidence is the amount of psychiatric illnesses in the society.
One other point comes to light here. Man cant be happy onlt if he has better living, good food and good clothing.he needs spiritual support. Spirituality for what ever it means in India is a recent fashion of the rich middle class.
the entertainment spirituality gives to these people amuses them. Following a spiritual guru is a trend.but spirituality in its true sense has not gone to the urban slums or to the poor villagers. Most of the sadness of the state is concentrated in these places. Spiritual gurus hesitate to reach to these marginalised people as they find no gain in it. These are the real people in need of spiritual advice. If they remain happy, crime in the society would go down. If craving comes down, crime rates would proportionally decrease. Genuine spiritual masters have to reach out to the marginalized sections of the society for developing their mind. That involves lot of courage and patience.But success will be achieved.
I remember myself being a teenager being so angry at my parents when they opposed my decisions and had always THOUGHT ONE DAY i WOULD GROW AND NO ONE WOULD BE THERE TO CONTROL ME. everyone would have had such thoughts in their teen ages. It is common in this age to think like this. You oppose parents for whatever they tell you. the urge to act in an adultly manner is present all the time.
it is one of the beauties of adolescence.
Suddenly after growing old, becoming an adult I feel it was better as an adoloscent. even better a s a child under care of some one. the commitment of being a responsible adult is huge. You start felling " ahha! I was happier during my school days! beeter i grow younger again"
Parenting an adoloscent is a sensitive subject in which many are not experts.

the problem of the mind....

So everyone lives with some desire unfulfilled, many die with atleast some desires unfulfilled...unfulfilled desires give grief, fulfilled desires give momentous happiness, depending upon the nature of the desire, say for half an hour, one week or one month and then a new desire creeps in, occupies the whole mind, looks asif there was nothing else but this desire which was so important all time, puts us to great grief, anxiety and tension, makes try all eartly ways to attain it, once attained vanishes as if it had never existed, the contentment never lasts, immediately the next desire in line attains importance, thus keeping us an addict to desirous mind and never allowing us to be happy.
this cycle is funny to think about, bur too complicated to break. one big desire stands out all the time,of course another when the former is taken care of.to be aware of this and not to give in to any burning desire is important.it is not possible not to have desires but it is possible to be aware of them.
New zealand has a sadness running in the background of the minds of her people. the detachment to history of the european settlers here, a feeling of isolation from the rest of the world being an island nation, the notion that the world looks down on an islander, these are reasons these people have searched and found for being unhappy basically. 7 out of 10 patients I see have a antideperessant medication in their drug list. I heard that New Zealand is the couuntry with highest number of suicides.
These are disturbing.
the problem really is the mind. not knowing the ways to keep oneself happy. not knowing how to avoid becoming sad unknowingly.
definitely the answers are in India.

life: every moment is pregnant with endless possibilities!

I wish to write a lot but the motivation does n't come...today morning took bus to Cashmere with my bike and biked up hill for 4 ks...appah! back breaking! came down hill by bike that was fun....
still not getting the right direction as to what to do and how to do....
we all talk ill of advising others..but many mistakes happen just because of the lack of right advice in the right time...we get bored with advices but sometimes we yearn for the right person to appear in front of us to advice us regarding a crucial decision...the helplessness we are put into in such situations is really frightening...the fear of failure is not the the thing it the fear of self blame for the failure if it happens as the decision was ours..
the shear number of possibilities in life makes every moment interesting.Life is full of endless possibilities. That's why man tends to believe in supernatural powers in decisions of life be it big or small...not everything in life happens by co incidence..things seem to fall in place most of the time... everything seems to work in perfect harmony....it's only us standing in between and claiming ownership and getting into trouble all the time putting ourselves into unnecessary fear and anxiety and disappointment and agony
to stand aside and watch the beauty of all that's happening is not easy..unlearning and unconditioning is not all easy
after all the beleif in this body and mind is the one which keeps us moving, yet at some point we realize the anxiety about things is totally unwanted.mmmmm.....it's good to think and talk yet hard to live.

Masala Dosai in Helensburg...

Weekend is a new concept for an average Indian in a small town. My father or his father would have never had any idea of what is a weekend and how to make a holiday. During my long years of medical training, no differentiation of any lind was htere in between sundays and mondays. We worked all days and we never had any problems about it.
In this new land, weekend is a thing of importance. Finding new things to do every weekend is essential. A question on monday "How was your weekend?" has to be answered decently. So something had to be done.
This weekend, Saturday we had been to Kiama through Helensburg. Kiama is a 100 odd km far coastal village known for its blowholes. Blowholes are holes in the seaside rocks. When a high wave hits on this rock, a sort of negative pressure is created which pushes water with high force which looks like a wonderful natural fountain.
We set out in the morining first heading for the temple at Helensburg.Sri Venkateshwara temple at Helensburg is a beautiful hindu temple with shrines for Chandramouleeswara, tripurasundari, sivasubramania swamy, lord venkateshwara, andal, mahalakshmi and ofcourse navagrhas.
The drive to helensburg seemed a little too long but the day was good, traffic less and we reached the temple by around 11 ish. The temple is beautifully built looking new but I learnt it 's beeen there for a coupla decades now. The ambience of the temple made me nostalgic. We had a wonderful darshan of all the deities and headed towards another important part of the program - having breakfast at the temple canteen. The canteen as i see is manned by volunteers and serves authentic south Indian food. I am proud to proclaim myself as dosa addict. So we ordered masala dosa, pongal and chetan was fond of vadas. Though I had been having sumptuous south indian food at Chethan's house, the temple food was one even Chethan was looking upto. the dosa kept upto the expectation and the pongal exceeded it.
We left the temple by noon and headed towards Kiama. On the way we stopped at thte Bald point for breathtaking views of the sea and mountains. then we stopped at the Nan Tien budddhist temple. It is a beautiful chinese buddhist temple with a pagoda, main shrine, canteen, museum, library and a training center. The teachings of buddha appear everywhere in the temple. We spent some time there and left for the blowholes.
The trip was worth for the views of the ocean we get at the Kiama seashore. the blowholes were throwing a spectacular water show. We stayed there for while and drove back to Sydney.
A weekend worth telling everyone on Monday.
Hey, wait. I roamed around on sunday too. Visited the Bondi beach. forgot the battery for the camera. went intot he waves. Strong surf. it was good. in the evening visited the famous Sydney murugan temple. A temple run according to tamil customs by the srilankan tamil community. A very divine place.
I had been to the temple with Kumar anna and his family, good people from the part of India where I belong to. They took me to a Srilankan restaurant for sdinner. had kothu parotta, vattalapam and cocnut juice.
A good Sunday.

Shoulders and Elbows and Shoulders and Elbows.....

This whole week in Sydney has been busy...busier than in Christchurch I should say. The last week conference was very eventful.Lots of learning, lots of great men talking, newer instruments and implants, meeting new people and dining too. This week Monday I had been to royal North shore private to observe Prof Sonnanbend and Jeff Hughes. Prof had two small cases - SADs. I saw Jeff doing an open OK procedure. It is a good surgery for big osteophytes around elbow with impingement pain. Afternoon clinics I was with Prof Sonnanbend. That was again a good experience. Tuesday morning Marter Hospital. List with prof. we had a reverse shoulder, one stabilisation and one ac joint debridement. The reverse was for cuff tear arthropathy. depuy reverse. Prof was magnanimous to allow me to scrub in the case. The case went on well. the critical thing is the exposure of glenoid for putting in the glenosphere. The nest day ...two lists one in public and one in private...Prof did a revision in which he did a reverse removing a hemi, and a latarjet. Jeff did two replacements, one zimmer reverse with bone graft and one smr total shoulder again with bone graft. then he did one capsular release of shoulder and two elbow scopies one synovectomy and one osteocapsulectomy.
Thursday i went to Prince of Wales to watch Jerome goldberg. He had eight cases on list. The re were two pec major repairs, two open cuffs in which one was subscap repair,one scopic cuff,two stabilisations and one massive cuff for which ad arthroscopic repair was done. the last case was done by John trantalis an upcoming shoulder surgeon trained in Canada. Jerome is a wonderful man and a great surgeon.I am taking hos trough repairs with me. Friday was a day in clinics with Ben and evening surgeries with Ben the highlight case being a malunited proximal humerus for which he did a tuberoplasty.
The week has been really good.

The five course meal

The venue was the Quay restaurant, acclaimed as the best restaurant in Australia. It was night, the harbour bridge illuminated by an arcade of lights and the magnificent Opera house with its brightened mystic sails making reflections in water. The restaurant overlooked the circular quay, the harbour bridge and Opera house in the background. We reached the place it was busy already. Tables had been arranged such that people can sit in small groups and chat through the whole dinner. I was reminded of our conference dinners in India. Food cooked and served in big containers, heaps of people queuing up with plates in their hands, the small fights sometimes on alcohol and meat, the quarrels with bartenders of some senior people after they come under influence, I should concede that a concept of a "dining experience" is not popular in India. the Indian instincts of competition and urge for survival shows up in every instance, be a conference dinner or crossing road.
We were a bit late so we found most of the tables were already full and people were busily engaged in talking to their mates on the table. We managed to find a place in one of the tables. The tables seemed cramped with lots of glasses . I sat down to take a closer look. There were five wine glasses all in different dimensions, five knives on the right side and five forks on my left. A piece of bread was kept on a small plate onto my left. There was butter on the table and only enough room to rest our forearms on the table after all that crockery display. The waiter dressed in black suit asks" Could we start with a glass of sparkling wine gentlemen?" We nodded in approval. Little did I know that five different types of wine are to follow after that. I started cutting the bread piece with a small knife kept along with it on the table. It was not very special but suited the wine nicely. One of the Indian Australians sitting next to us started talking. He talked about his training in Bombay and his mother telling about the lot of rules she had to follow in Sydney as compared to Mumbai. He said at the end of the day he missed something which he thought would be there if he was in Bombay. i felt a city life could be no different in any city. May be he 'll find driving little better in Melbourne where he lives, may be the power never goes off, may be he can drink tap water, but the rat race ids the same. Keeping pace with others in spending in one of the major drives for earning money in a city. You have to dine in a new and a bigger restaurant every weekend, you will have to switch to better cars, you will have to move to better areas and you will have to have a holiday home.These things keep you busy running behind money. we feel comfortable or feel happy transiently on achieving these goals but soon a bigger desire enters our minds and torments us, threatens us of failure and drives us to our extremes to attain it.
The waiter asked if we had any special dietary requirements and we answered in affirmative. Chethan would n't take pork or beef and Iwas a vegetarian. He said we would be getting eggplant fry for our main course as it contained meat.
I came to know that the dinner is called Degustation dinner. A suiting wine precedes every course of a meal. The servings went on till 11 30 pm ending with a coffee.
Sydney does teach me new things!

On Manly Beach and double decker Electric trains.....

Flying trans Tasman over the Pacific in the day is a good experience as you get to see the varied landscape of New Zealand starting from nicely organized cultivation fields to mountains with the rivers flowing in between, bending and stretching out along their course, the snow capped peaks come into view after some time the spongy looking milk white clouds hugging the shoulders of these magnificent mountains. To me, the mountains look as if they are alive and conscious. I look startled at the majesty and strength they display.
crossing the Land, we enter the endless ocean. Water, water everywhere....I doze off on my seat listening to Ilayaraja on my ipod as the flight heads towards Sydney. As we approach Sydney the beauty of nature grips you again. Sydney is a beautiful harbour city. Sea finds its way to the center of the city. The natural harbour is one of the great gifts to people here i suppose. The flight takes a turn on the sea and prepares landing and it looks as if we are landing on the sea when just just before touching ground the patch of land with runway comes into view.
After airport formalities I headed to the railway station. I was not expecting Sydney to be this big. I had always imagined cities outside India to be very thinly populated and slow and my imaginations were confirmed in Christchurch where you hardly find more than five passengers in a normal city bus and you could find no one on road after 9 pm.
I was taken aback to find a striking similarity of Sydney to our metros. People looked very busy, most of them had mobile phones in their hands seriously grazing through stuff even when they were getting into train. It looked as if everyone was in a race. I thought "oh! This is another mad city where people keep running not knowing where they are heading". I saw three storeyed metro trains full of people. this was the thing I was afrais of. Big cities! the run! the rush and competition! Ok...I reached Chethan's place...wonderful young couple who are taking care of me very well.
the conference (for which I had come) was in Manly. manly is a beach area and the hotel where the conference was happening overlooks the sea. I was captivated by the beauty of the sea and beach when I reached Manly the next day morning. The bus services are good and i again find it similar to Chennai. Buses are a lot lot better. But again, this is another city. City which adverises about call girls and escorts for two full pages in local newspapers, city where ferry is one of the public transport system to got to job everyday, city where i find more asian faces than white faces!
The first day of the conference was good..workshops from various companies...new devices good things! Met Mr.Hong and he is happy taking me for his fellowship in Hamilton. Let's see how it works out! I have this problem of getting up early coz at Christchurch we are two hours ahead!
tha's why i am writing this
may be i'll write more in the two weeks I am goin to stay here.
bye!

New Learning everyday...

Attended Bhagavatham class at ISKCON temple today morning. The class was at 7 am. I had gotten up, bathed and got ready for the class in my White long kurta and veshti...the dress I love the most!

Wearing the veshti itself connects you immediately to your rich culture and heritage and reminds you that you are the son of the greatest civilisation of the planet.

The class was well attended according to Christchurch standards...20 people in the morning cold...most in sarees and dhoties....wearing thirumann on their foreheads...mostly white...very few Indians.

The importance of faith in a spiritual master was the topic of discussion today.

Good points came out in the class. the constant eagerness to liberate oneself is the most important stimulus for oneself to seek God. In that seeking, one need not get frustrated at one's inability to overcome vices, one need not feel guilty, instead one should feel humble and surrender to god and allow him to take care and accompany in the journey.

One should have a strong conviction about doing his duties.

Hope I follow some of these in my daily life. I should probably have the japa mala in my pocket all time and whenever I feel there is spare time which I feel is getting wasted i can at least chant!

I read a book on Gandhi yesterday. It is a pity that I come to know so much of Post Gandhi Gandhian movement in India from a foreign author and from a library in a foreign nation.

The book introduced me to Vinobha Bhave and Jayaprakash Narayan and narayan dessai and Bhoodhan movement and other such very relevant stuff which are still burning problems in post independence India.

sadly enough, our history books stop with pre independence Indian history. Nobody had taken any pain to teach us post independence as sixty years of experience has already passed with India not reaching any better heights than its neighbor, more populated but definitely more advanced than us.

Youth of today have to be taught more about leadership and responsibility and about the recent mass leaders and how they stood strong in principles. I am strongly convinced that Gandhian way is the only way ahead to solve problems of disparity India is facing now. the villages becoming empty, rising urban poverty, failing agriculture...these are all parts of a vicious cycle...which can be disrupted only by proper planning and concentration on policies which will not give victory immediately but will definitely make a stronger India.

I am now reading a book on Jihad, the shade of swords...a compelling history of jihad and its present state written by a Indian Muslim author.

Will write when I read more.

Hari Aum Tat Sat.

Zumba!!!!

Attending a group fitness class at the city council fitness centers was one weekend activity I was expecting. I love to attend the classes because they are fun doing the exercises at the same time in a short time period you get to do a complete Set of stretches and strengthen according to the class. Today I woke up early and was eagerly waiting to attend the B.A.T and Zumba classes. BAT is a program where lower abdomen and thigh muscles are worked out with a Swiss ball. Now, this Swiss ball is really good to assist you in exercises.

BAT was little trying to me as my abdominal muscles aren't that strong. Zumba was fun but the instructor was too fast and she enjoyed dancing to herself than to teach other people. Now, Zumba is a spanish dance. The steps are just like dance steps and it's a good workout basically but I couldn't keep pace with the moves as they were really fast and changed frequently.

Did my regular lane swimming, lazed for some time in the steam room and sauna, had a shower and came home.

The gyms and pools are a real attraction to the city I would say. The city council tries hard to keep people active. The gyms get busy at 6 am in the morning and the pools too. Since they are all heated it is real good.

Let me see how much I can use these to "build" up my body

christchurch diaries

today,

2/2/10

am: OPD saw a patient of habitual dislocation of bilateral shoulders examined her found how recruiting the infraspinatus can help in reducing the dislocation rate. Kibler’s concept of core stability to have good shoulder stability was explained. The patient had a proprioception problem.

pm: observed a reverse total shoulder arthroplasty

3/2/2010

Am: Rooms: pt with subluxing extensor tendon of the middle finger; pt with complete tear of the rotator cuff rt shoulder with ac joint artrhitis:pt wanted surgery we’ve put him on inj in the shoulder

Gave b/l first cmc joint steroid injections

Pm: rooms at St George clinic

Saw say about 20 of Malone’s personal patients. Many were interesting. One valid point was if subscap tests are positive and you find normal subscap at USG, suspect ant capsulitis and go for steroid in the Gh joint. The other is the test for PLRI. Saw a patient of PLRI secondary to cubitus varus post traumatic. Met a patient with gr III Ac joint disloc who has been planned for Tightrope. Clinic got over by 9 pm....walked down to the hostel...reached at 9 45.

Things to read:

Subluxing extensor tendons

Ac arthritis

Reverse total shoulder

Habitual shoulder dislocation

PLRI

Morrey is a good book for elbow. Hope I get it from the library. I would love to read it. I would also send a paper for the Ediburgh shoulder meeeting in Sep 2010.

Got to go to southern cross at 8 in the morning. May be a half an hour walk. Should have to wake up at 6 30.Bye.

4/2/10

Went to southern cross in the morning...did not find Ian thr was told he comes in the evening...went around to look for a coupla flats...got walking all the way...

Hectic list in the afternoon..8 patients...no time to think...2 knees and 6 shoulders...got to scope both the knees

Went on to put the portal and do diagnostic in 4 shoulders...make anterior portal in one...very efficient surgeon...i admire him

He was a real good teacher...love him for that....he did 5 subacromial decompressions and i double triple row repair of supraspinTUS TENDON. Wonderful Man!

Saw how efficient the whole team was!

Had dinner there at the hospital tea room

Will catch you again tom..have to go to Burwood in the morning at 7 is the bus...see you then...bye

5/2/10

Was up at 6 45 ready by 7 15 reached bus station at 7 30 was in the hospital at 8 00 had four cases two metal exit one shoulder arthroscopy and open cuff repair one scaphoid fracture fixation with bone grafting by dorsal approach

Was over by 2 pm

Went to st george’s waited for some time to meet Khalid over there...nice man...he took me to his house wonderful family they have got....he gave me a book on shoulder surgery and a suture table to practice...and a journal to read for the weekend....for the Friday meeting...

Has asked me to talk to Chetan about the AC joint thing...will possibly mail him tomoro...talked to mom dad yesterday...really felt very well...goin to sleep...

Had naan rice and malai kofta for 10 $ really wonderful and tasty...it’s a restaurant called little india...

Am goin to move to the room tomro any one either at Bealey ave or at sherbourne street...at the end of the day... Sherborne seems to be good...lemme think tonight...

14/02/10

Am one of the laziest buggers around....have not written a diary for so long

I have moved into a new house and it’s more than a week now...8 days

The house at Sherborne street

It’s good...my flatmates are Sam a chef from Auckland, Kathie from Korea learning English, two American girls and a french couple.

Today is Sunday.

Planning to do some useful work

Nothin I am gopin to gain from all this nuisance....drinking, partying and dancing to hip hop;;;

Every city is the same.

It has got people who try hard to earn money to spend it just to keep themselves on par with others;

Life runs in running after unnecessary things just to show;

Later on it becomes a routine that the inner motive is forgotten; a false sense of joy and satisfaction comes;

I have come here to learn shoulder surgery; I have to get serious; no time to roam around like a dog.

I have a lot to study. I see my consultants have worked hard and are still working so hard to keep up to their skills and knowledge. I am shallow and ignorant when compared to them. I have a lot to learn from them. I remember what Prof. Kotwal had said: “ Dont show off” it decreases the prospects of learining. It shows you are not prepared to learn. Prof Kotwal is gem of a person. Even if you know, dont show off. Ok...lemme do some useful reading today.

Bye

09/03/2010

I am atttending the clinical audit in the public. It is really really interesting. Registrars prepare and present all complications in the last three months.

Some of which I noted are

1. Patella TBW failure twice possibly due to malposition of wires in the distal fragment
2. Short PFN periprosthetic fracture – revised with recon nail
3. DHS cutout treated with blade plate but fell short and went to varus
4. Immobilize communited fractures – it may displace if mobilized early
5. Be careful about Tip Apex distance in DHS
6. Improperly contoured 3.5 DCP for fibula may pull out the diastasis screws
7. Short PFN has larger proximal screw than Long PFN and the biggest long PFN is 10mm
8. Look at X rays very carefully – can miss out subtle fractures
9. Never be overconfident!!!!!
10. --------do-------------
11. Longer neck cut – overbroaching – calcar fracture
12. Primary pyomyositis of hip!!!---?

14/03/2010

Much has happened since I last wrote. Most notable were my reading of “Half a life” and watching of “mystic masseur”. Both are stories of V.S.Naipaul, UK based author of Indian origin born in Trinidad. His childhood and his parentage are well traceable from his stories. He in the book talks about the problems or issues with people of mixed parentage. The hero of the novel happens to be one. His is father is a brahmin and his mother is a lower caste woman. In depicting his father, Naipaul has talked beautifully about the mundane man who is very comfortable in his routine life akin toa jail, ignorant or acting to be ignorant of it. His father breaks it by marrying a lower caste girl and then starts the problem. The hero, Willie starts hating everyone responsible for his status as a boy of mixed parentage, all including his father and mother. His father, he thinks had no direction and no ambiton and lived a wasteful life as a sant in an ashram. The author beatifully describes willie’s life and how he becomes very much alike his father.

We all seek hiding places...we all want to run away from problems...we want to be ignorant of problems and we are always afraid of losing the current comfort when it comes to taking up a challenge. That is how a common man is born, lives and dies. Willie’s father was expexted to lead a similar life marrying a same caste girl and working in the government for a maharaja. But he was not ready for that. But he was unsure of the next action plan. In a way, as the author says through him, he was destined to become a mendicant and run an ashram.

Willie sets out to study in London. He lives in London for three years. He writes stories and publishes them as a book.

Every man looks out for a woman who can accept and love the man as he is and more than that love for what he is. Willie is also on constant search and finds a woman in Ana. He becomes ready to do anything for Ana. He sets sail for Africa which is Ana’s place and lives there for 18 years.

An interesting story which has strengthened my desire to write. I will try and write as much as possible. The mystic masseur is another wonderful story about a pandit in Trinidad, his life and his acheivemnt.

A book appeals you only if you can identify yourself with some of the charachters in the book. Atleast that is how you start reading books. I have this peculiar instinct of doing stuff I see. If I read a book, i feel i should write one. If I hear a song, I feel I should sing.

Sam is sitting next to me and happily smoking a joint. He is a happy man. He always says I do what I like to do and I am happy. I really doubt if he ever wanted to be useful to others. I always wanted to be useful to others. But deep inside, being useful to others was a way to find your own identity and establish your own recognition. Of course, no one in normal ego life can live without that motive. This constant urge was which took me to New Zealand with all the arrangements made by almighty. When it comes to trusting him, then all arguments cease. A complete trust in Lord alone can deliver us out of the cycle of pleasure and pain.

I am finding a hard time figuring out the right statistical test for my analysis. I regret for not concentrating in the statistics workshop which i attended in Sep last year at lucknow. Every move of God has a purpose. The purpose is to deliver.

I am realizing that I am weak in English vocabulary. I have to figure out a way to improve it. I was reading the biography of Naipaul .This man does not have a straight personal life. After marriage, he was roaming with another married woman it seems. Writers or men with that bent often live in their own world.

I have to work on only few things:

1. Shoulder – enriching my knowledge and skills
2. Being truthful to my consultants
3. Physique – very important
4. Discipline – Self discipline

I ‘ll start writing my book soon.....:) Of course with Almighty’s direction!

22/03/2010

It’s been a good long weekend....

Went to Akaroa y’ day

In car

With Kathie

87 kms...

Went on the cruise

Went trekking

Had good food in the night

Contemplating now

Met Mr Mo Chaudhry on the cruise...he is a 65 yr old young man....gave me some advice

To make maximum use of this age

It seems i will regret later

Kathy’s advice was to hang out with girls...so that i can improve myself

Improve myself in taking care of my future wife

We set out from our house at about 8ish..

I’m receiving some good comments on the photos in orkut

I get into these things pretty late i suppose!

23/03/10 8 15 am St George’s OT

It’s been a thunderous night y day and i excused myself for getting up later than i planned today. But i am worried that I am not able to execute what i plan. I should be able to run for atleast half an hour from tomorrow.

Learning is on the lower side. Should start studying again..as hard as possible.

Not hardly....

8 pm Leinster chambers:

Looking into some literature...

Have to do a lot of reading!

Loads of other work to do as well!

Bye!

28/03/10

Complacency creeps in without notice. It is anature of the mind without thirst. It symbolises idleness and a harbinger of downfall. The urge to stay ahead is what pushes a man forward.

31/03/10

Morning, had a X ray session with Mckie, good Ilizarov case- done with TSF